Thursday, May 11, 2006

health magazine: Michael to lose hippy hippy shake?

Friday, April 14, 2006
Chuck Yarborough
Plain Dealer Columnist
I got a call from a credit-card company dude asking where the heck my payment was. I told him I'd send it just as soon as the dying am bassador's widow who e-mailed me made that deposit in my account. I got him off the phone this one time. But I have to admit, I'm no Michael Jackson. (See, I really do have a point here.) Wacko Jacko has gone for years owing one company close to $270 million. Well, The New York Times said that while Jacko was hiding out in Bahrain, his money people worked out a deal to increase his debt to $300 million and lower his $4.5 million monthly payments. If all the parties agree, all he will have to give up is a stake in his 50 percent share of the Beatles catalog, which is worth about $1 billion. He also gets a slightly used Gremlin, Lasik surgery and a complete set of Ginsu knives. Meanwhile, I can't get a credit-card company to "let it be." I wonder, if a tree falls in a "Norwegian wood," and I'm not there to hear it, will MJ pay my bill?

Let's talk ethics:

The latest claim by a gloating New York Daily News is that one of the New York Post's gossip reporters took a freebie trip from Jaguar to visit the Left Coast and tool around in vintage cars. But the reporter said it was OK because he didn't write anything. This is just the newest Page Six revelation, right on the heels of the Page Six scandal in which billionaire grocery dude Ron Burkle taped part-time Post gossip reporter Jared Stern purportedly hitting him up for almost a quarter-mill. That much money would help me keep the credit-card ijits off my back. But you should know, I would never, ever, ever consider such a thing. Why? Well, first off, it's a firing offense. I've never been fired, but it doesn't sound like a pleasant experience. Besides, if I did get fired, it's a given that more than one guy would be hounding me. Second, I don't want to be beholden to anyone. This way, nobody is off limits. Except, of course, for my Lovely Bride, who knows that I have to sleep sometime. Third - and most important - it would be wrong. Look, I'm a so-so driver, I drink more than I should, I have too much fondness for words of the four-letter variety, and I have been known to leave a single tattered sheet on the toilet-paper roll. But my parents raised me to be honest. If I screw up, I screw up. But I won't do it by lying or intentionally bending reality to fit anyone else's agenda - or my own. Unless, of course, it gets that credit-card guy to leave me alone. Kidding!

Did I say that out loud?

Josh Holloway, who stars in "Lost," told Men's Health magazine that he's happily married. Boy, he sure sounds like it: "If I were single? Damn, I'd have one girl doing my laundry, one shaving me, one bringing me a cocktail and another one coming out of my tent all hung over." Dude, 10 seconds after your wife reads that, you just might be single.

So that's why:

It took Dave Chappelle 10 pages in the new Esquire to explain why he skipped out on a $50 million deal for his "Chappelle's Show." "The bottom line was, white people own everything, and where can a black person go and be himself or say something that's familiar to him and not have to explain or apologize?" he asked. Shoot, I think the only apology he should make is for leaving us with the claptrap that remains on the tube.

This column gleans from wire and Internet reports.

To reach this Plain Dealer columnist:, 216-999-4534